khushi....

ek bahut hii accha word milaa hai..."perspective"...saala har marz kii dawaa hai.....the wonder of the word is that it can justify most heinous of the crimes and can negate most benevolence......haa...what the hell....trying to find solace in words.....so...so what....whats harm in that...everybody is finding some solace in stinkin piece of ^&%$ ...haa haa haa(courtesy: one of my beloved batchmates...)

wonder if I have will ever stop defining things...when I say I ...its all the !@#$% people like me.

Trying to define success, failure
Trying to define terrorism, genocides, regicides..and all other cides
People like me ....who don have stereotyped definitions of "sukh dukh" .....try to create or rather re-define them.

may be for me a !@#$% is khush if he can do what he really wants to do in his heart.....what the hell....i see nobody happy.....hmmm.....but I see myself happy......

wanted a lot of devotion.....have it now.....have the people who have lots of it.....have some friends who are !@#$% ... wanted to do something for someone...(haa ha....we !@#$% don even have a faint idea of whom we want to work for)....but still ....today I find myself working ............

Am I happier....what the hell....why is there a comparison of happiness.....why a !@#$% can't be happy until he finds that the people around him are in a little bad condition than him....(according to him).....can't you be happy with what you are ...and what you have...chalo forget it...this might be called again as compromise....right naa you !@#$% !@#$%.......again its the damn perspwective my dear............

but still...can't you be happy.....is there any other way of living a life....I mean don you want to be happy....don I want to be happy....doesn't that bastard moving in his merc wants to be happy.....huh....every damn soul wants to be happy.....so what?....wanting happiness.....running after happiness.....craving for it.....would it make you happy......

may be its again that !@#$% perspective of mine when I say that happiness comes in small pieces.....haa ...may be its an oft-repeated statement.....but is surely truth....do you want to be happy.....U want to be happy by ushering a revolution.....okk....now you want to happy by making lots of wealth...(don think if wealth is going to bring it after all).....hey you....u want to be happy.....by starting a NGO.....haa what the hell....big claims ...bigger dreams.....

leave it....thought that I would tell me and you the truth of happiness....but some things are better not said....:-))....may be you can find something or nothing out of the said whole !@#$% stuff.....just want to say.....give yourself a little time......don run from yourself.....may be this KHUSHI is just by your side....




SO ....what NOW?....don chase ....STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You haven't achieved enough

Was lunching alone as I generally do.....was comparing myself with others as humans generally do.....

While we compare ouselves with others, somewhere in our unconscious mind we do try to create an impression that the person on the other side hasn't acheived enough....I, myself had been constantly trying to be under such an impression always....

but suddenly the oft-repeated line comes to my mind like a flash....you shan't compare yourself with others....one must have read this sentiment over and over again....
I don't know if we decide our course of life or not.....but certainly we do have our own set of priorities...like for me the priority is to be happy and to be loved and the priority for money comes later.

I don know if two people who had two different priorities and the two have more or less achieved their priorities ....can be compared....

Being in such an impression that "he cant be happier than me coz I have the following things and the other doesn't have the following".....well buddy...he might be having another set of things that you don have.....certainly this should not lead to us getting depressed....:-).....

The existence of my state of mind should not be dependent on the state of other's life.....

railway station

Commotion everywhere at the railway station. Rather it erupts out of no where as soon as the train arrives. I was standing at the Hardwar railway station. I didn't have the railway ticket, so i was not entitled to enter the waiting room. Though my father had advised me to give a few rupees to the lady attandant but i never gave that idea a serious thought. Don't presume that i am the kind f person who doesn't believe in giving money to get works done. It was just due to intuition (the basic premise on which i mostly rely) that i chose to stand and wait. Looked around and i could not an empty seat. Though i did find one, but the lady beside that seat told me that somebody was already sitting there. I don't know why, but i strongly feel that one should return a smile to every person who transacts with us. I smiled at the old lady and stayed away. I don't know whether my smile had an impact or the lady was simply too generous, that she comes up to me after a few minutes and offers me her seat. I just can't express how sweet it was. Moreover, it was not just a formal request to be seated but she urged me a number of times. Obviously i could not accept the offer, so i politely refused. But i could clearly observe the serious honesty in her eyes and in the offer. One can find sweet people anywhere and among strangers.
A lady beggar is standing in front of me right now and i always get confused how to deal with these people. I mean, it is neither possible to oblige everyone nor to ignore everyone. I have left this decision also to my intuition.i didn't give her anything.
Something takes away my attention. What i saw was these sequence of events:
- A Sardarji, his wife and a child
- The child crying vociferously
- sardarji getting very furious at his wife, even hits at her hand and snatches the child away.
- Lady moves along ashamed

Just one of the wierd events which are made wierd due to the way they are handled by the persons involved.

AN old man comes with stick in his hand and a bent back. Asks for something silently. I don't know whether he asked for money. I gave him the leftover cake i had.
Everything at the station is worth a full story. With in last half an hour, the old couple beside me had to face two ladies distributing booklets about message of Swamis and Gods. No comments on the authenticity of the Godliness

My partner with the ticket has come. But railway station is awesome in the diversificaion it contains. It truly represents a scene in our life where nothin remains constact except us. and sometimes not even us.

break the circle

A friend and i were discussing about trivial matters related to girls and all the crap related to that. A common perception emerged was thus: we dint attach importance to those girls who always desired and instead continued running after girls who never responded to our proposals.
Out of this trivial matters, my friend happened to discover something. Once again i was able to find out apparitions being created of vaccuum and showing me the secrets of life.
Well, its better to reveal before the message is lost among words.
My friend was able to generalize the statement in this way: We always run after bigger and larger and farther happiness, and in the process of finding them we also lose the happiness that surround us. Its all happening in a circle and we need to break the circle.
There can be a misconception behind all this. One may consider it to be futile to try for better things in life and be contented with what he has. This message does not propose ascetism. rather its realistic. What my friend meant to say was that while running after something that is far away we do not enjoy what we have today. Its better to enjoy the today. Break the circle , stop a while, find out what in this rat race u have left behind. Sometimes small moments of joy makes life beautiful.
(for the information of the people who know me, the friend is ASHU, Thank U for showing me light)

Observations

It is the puzzle of life in which, while at some point of time no piece seems to fit in and in others everything falls in place. I have regularly observed life and its manifestation and out of this constant and silent interaction with this whole puzzle, a few results have emerged out of emptiness. How life engenders out of vaccuum is still a puzzle for me. But i have found my own novel ways to fight back or rather to satiate myself psychologically. The problem with people like me is that they observe a lot and try to delve deep into those observations. I have had ardent faith in the supreme power from the days of my childhood due to my upbringing. As a child, nothing seemed to be so complicated as my actions like any other child were based on instincts. I prayed because of no certain reason, may be because my parents had instilled such values into me or may be because of some other undeciphered reason.
During my teenage i suddenly discovered(because of several observations), that my prayers are not being answered. I had so much faith in Him that i could not accept this nature of the VOID. I observed again and again, and everytime i asked for something i would not get that. I got disillusioned and stopped asking. Why i still continued to pray is still a mystery like most other things. But now, so as to ward off the psychological pressures, i used to submit my fears and anxiety to Him and consequently my desires also followed the same line.This was the time when i discovered that i was getting what i desired. I dont know why this puzzle was solving in this particular fashion but at least this feeling was psychologically satisfying. I continued observing this and found the outcome positive on most occasions.
This is my first premise of life: He said to be before sending me here,"Ask Me and U shall NOT have it, Submit to Me and I shall open the Doors of Heaven for u"

Now comes my latest premise which i was able to discover today. I have always tried to solve this mental angony which comes out of nothing and creates lots of troubles. I love people, and i start getting close to some of them. Earlier i used to have a lot of expectations from every other person in my life. Later i realized that its just not possible to get your expectations fulfilled in the way u want. I stopped expecting. But still expectations sometime arise and then again creates troubles. This gave me the reason of the non fulfillment of my expectations. Whenever we expect our expectations exponentially increase everytime our expectations get fulfilled. and when we dont expect then things again seems to fall in place.
Its all like leaving the things to their own pace of work and not trying to intervene.
The second maxim goes like this: He said to me while He was telling me how to deal with other humans,"U expect and U shall have nothing except sadness, U just give and u shall everything that u wanted. "
Drop the expectations and see the beauty of life, try to breathe the life in and try to let the life breathe you. get assimilated in life. Love people and you shall see life showering love from all sides. There is no harm in giving it a try. We have tried a lot, let it be yet another try for quest of happiness.

What is Love

Somebody happened to ask me the definition of love. Does it really exist today or it has already lost in time. I guess the traces of this feeling could be found occasionally in our lives. Though we are in a habit of confusing the feeling of attraction with love and the same time we are not able to enjoy truly the feeling of love when it really happen. Love is the most wonderful feeling whether bestowed on humans by God or release of some hormonal chemicals due to firing of neurons. Love brings with itself complete harmony in the universe. One feels at ease with himself and with his surroundings. The feeling of excitement is gone and so also the feeling of sadness. One is just neutral, and completely harmonious. Love doesnt bring with itself the expectations. It doesnt bring doubts and misunderstandings. Its all about sacrifice, its all about being happy,its all about spreading the love itself and its all about finding Him through Him.

confusion

I dont really understand why certain things happen in the way they happen. Most of the time we dont have reasons of the occurence of events but still we ponder over them, still we try to find out answers suiting our own convenience. I dont really understand whether its better to flow with the time or to flow against the time. Though i have tried both and rather tried to flow sideways too so that i may be able to rest at the bank of this great river that has taken everyone into it.
I am confused about the randomness or deterministic occurences of events. I think i am confused about everything that has happened and is happening.I give myself a shrug and stop thinking about all this which most of the people say as crap. But the randomness of events disturbes me, and rather the events are not perfectly random; most of the time one may be able to find a striking pattern in them but still may not perfectly understand the pattern. Is it that our whole life is a sort of experiment conducted by some super intelligent beings in other dimensions. Everybody claims that one can do what he is determined to do but at the same time how many people can one find with everything falling in line according to the way they want. Is it that our demands have to go through some higher stratas and then somewhere in heaven or hell it is decided whether to bestow the being with that particular thing or not. Or is it just my mind's creation and if it is so, then God is an illusion ,a myth created by brains of fools.